Friday Nasiha

General

Translation:

Sometimes, teenagers begin to criticize the way of life of their parents and society, and parents are often angered by this. However, we must keep in mind that sometimes they may be right. Our lives and our society are not perfect, and teenagers may have fresh insight into how to improve them. In Living With Teenagers: A Guide for Muslim Parents, sister Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood writes:

"Teenagers are idealists - they want to change the world, and make it a better place. These are not bad ideals, and it is a great pity that adults have forgotten their own ideals in the rat-race of daily life. You, the parent, may have ended up as just a hard-working nonentity in some quiet niche in life; a teenager who is a real idealist may end up as a famous person, a reformer, a politician, an aid-worker... who knows. The future lies there before them. It is therefore a foolish parent who tries to ridicule and trample on that young idealism. If it is consistent with Islam, it should be fervently encouraged, and not set at nought!"

If a teenager is idealistic and wants to improve the world, we should encourage him and help him. If he or she is full of zeal but lacks the proper direction, we should help him to use that zeal constructively. If we get teenagers involved in helping those in need and in working for important causes, their zeal could make a tremendous impact.

To learn more on the topic of Islamic parenting and the development of healthy, vibrant Muslim families in the North American context, bookmark and visit often:

Conclusion of series from Issue #158

Sex Outside Marriage

Sex, in Islam, is not a taboo to feel guilty about. It is a natural and creative urge, a God-given gift. But the bond of marriage must be tied before enjoying the pleasures of sex, which are the rewards for the responsibilities that the man and woman bear in rearing a family; these joys lighten the burden and cement and bind the relationship. To seek sex outside the limits set by God is a sin, to seek it within these limits is therefore an act of worship ('ibadah).

If sex inside and outside marriage were equally legitimate or easily available, the sacred institution of the family would be gradually destroyed. Islam therefore not only completely prohibits all forms of sexual deviation and pre and extra-marital sex; it arranges to make them highly inaccessible and also severely punishable. Hence the regulations about covering various parts of the body and the social mixing of the sexes.

Polygamy

Polygamy is permitted by the Qur'an; though it is not enjoined, as some people apparently believed. Justice is enjoined, as far as is humanly possible, otherwise one should remain monogamous. Thus, disadvantages of a polygamous marriage are recognized, but not to the extent of prohibiting it legally. This legal provision can be properly understood only in the context of Islam's position on two important issues, as already explained. Firstly, that the family is the cornerstone of human society and any extra-marital sex is completely prohibited. Married life is the most desirable way of life - Islam wants a woman to be a wife, honoured and elevated, and never a mistress. Both man and woman have to make some sacrifice to make a success of family life. Secondly, Islam's law is for all times to come and should therefore, as far as is practical, cater for all possible social and individual situations. Legal provision, like a total ban on divorce or polygamy may indeed result in far more serious consequences than they may solve. Even in countries where polygamy is illegal, it may be argued, monogamy is fairly rare, so sex outside marriage is considered as polygamy, as it should be.

It is left to the societies and individuals, within the freedoms and prohibitions laid down by Islam, to regulate their conduct as they may desire. What is important to note is that it takes a woman, in addition to a man, to make a polygamous marriage; for no marriage in Islam can never take place without her consent. And the first wife can also claim a divorce if she cannot live with the situation. Hence it is entirely within the power of individuals, if need be, to virtually eliminate polygamy without recourse to law.

[compiled from "Shari'ah: The Way of Justice" by Ustadh Khurram Murad (rahimahullah)]

We hope you benefitted from the insights and arguments presented in these brief excerpts. This is by no means an exhaustive study of the role of men and women in Islamic Law or the wisdom behind Islamic rulings of marriage, divorce, and family life.
For a more detailed study, you may wish to refer to the following:

"Women in the Shade of Islam" by Abdur-Rahman al-Sheeha
"The Status of Women in Islam" by Yusuf al-Qaradawi
"Gender Equity in Islam" by Jamal al-Badawi